We understand why you left us, Diane. We aren’t the best town in our universe; we know. We just… miss you. And we wish you would tell us you miss us, too. This isn’t any easier today than it was the day you left. We just wanted to get together, as a community, as a city council, and tell you how we feel. Just… tell us everything’s going to be alright, Diane. We still love you, and we, Friendlytown, need to win you back.
Here’s the deal: we in Friendlytown have just too many hot dogs. Our surplus isn’t something we’re terribly proud of, either. So, we’ve called in a HDDM (Hot Dog Demolition Man) to help us sort this out. Dustin Meadows (whose initials match “Demolition Man,” I realize as I’m typing this and amusing myself heartily) started …
Dammit, just… just pass the Gatorade and can you please turn that down? I don’t – Look, I don’t care. Turn it down. Shit.
Before he left Friendlytown for greener pastures (Ft. Collins, specifically, because they have hella legal weed there; his words, not ours), local troubadour and performing regular Alex Linton decided he wanted to leave our community with an anthem we could call our own. One we could force all of our athletes to awkwardly stand for before sporting events! One we could teach the next generations to love our town through. So, Alex brought us together for a special meeting where some members of our city council (like, one or two with musical talent) proposed that big patriotic (in the Friendlytown sense, at least) overture. It went as well as you’d think.
Join us on Monday night at the Pilot Light for an evening of amazing jokes with Yedoye Travis, fresh off of Just for Laughs – Montreal and raring to record his debut album in Atlanta on Thursday. Doors at 7:30, showtime at 8pm. I will be hosting/featuring/some combination of the two. FB event page here.
It’s been a while, but our good friend (and frequent Mayor/Boss/HR Guy) Shane Rhyne is finally back with his own brand of comedy mayhem “SPELLBound” – a comedic spelling bee of epic proportions! One by one, he has challenged members of the Friendlytown City Council to spell amazing new words that are really real and totally not made up at all, with etymologies and uses in sentences and all that stuff those Scripps kids are so good at. The biggest winner was our collective vocabulary!
Hey, so real quick: If you’re in Minneapolis (or St. Paul), the wonderful punk/metal/awesome shop Extreme Noise now has a couple copies of my zine Here, You Throw This Away for sale! It didn’t even hit me until after I left the shop today that it’s extra special knowing they’re for sale here, considering how …
Look- we as the Friendlytown City Council know that it’s unbecoming (for lack of a better term… trust us, we choose our words carefully) to have budget, uh, shortfalls, as often as we do. But TRUST US – we’ve got a plan for a solid way to tighten our belts and get us back on our feet as a fair community. All it requires is that you KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. You’ll be fine, really, it’ll all be fine. Foolproof. Just run with it.
Teenagers of Friendlytown: What you’re going through may be disorienting, but it’s normal. Trust us; we all went through the same thing with our bodies and our minds. The world can be a cruel place, too, and all that. Listen, we don’t have enough prisoners to do a “scared straight” kind of program, so we’re all just going to volunteer our time to make these moments count for you youngsters. As Mayor Tyler once saw an old off-kilter man on the DC Metro outside of Silver Spring advise a couple of teenagers, “Don’t Fuck Around; Be Around!”